As Thanksgiving approaches, many individuals face the dilemma of family gatherings, especially when political tensions run high. In this month’s “Dear Eugene,” we dive into the complexities of choosing travel over potentially fraught family interactions.
Inspired by our founder, Eugene Fodor, the “Dear Eugene” series invites readers to submit their travel-related queries. Each month, we collaborate with travel experts to shed light on the intricacies of travel. If you have a question, feel free to send it to [email protected] for possible inclusion in future discussions.
Dear Eugene, Thanksgiving is a nightmare for me! My family is all MAGA, and I really want no part of it, so I’m thinking about traveling instead. I know my parents will freak out and guilt me, and I’ll probably give in, so I’m leaning toward ghosting them and sending a text on the day. Does that make me an a**hole?
Many readers can likely relate to this feeling. In today’s polarized world, family gatherings can feel like battlegrounds, where a single comment can ignite disputes and awkward silences. You seem understandably weary of navigating these treacherous waters. Dreaming about a serene escape, free from familial strife, during a holiday dedicated to gratitude is entirely human.
However, before you finalize your travel plans and set your phone to “do not disturb,” it’s essential to introspect on how your actions might impact future familial interactions. Your choices now could either foster more understanding or exacerbate existing rifts.
The Pitfalls of Ghosting
It’s perfectly valid to want to spend Thanksgiving in a way that is fulfilling for you, especially if it means escaping a confrontation-laden environment. The predominant concern with your plan to ghost, however, is the emotional fallout that often stems from such actions.
Being ghosted can leave unresolved feelings and confusion in its wake. This isn’t just an abstract concept—many have experienced the gut-wrenching silence that follows. However tempting it may be to avoid confrontation, especially for those with avoidant tendencies, remember that there are other ways to deal with conflict.
“It seems like you might be avoiding a tough conversation with your family due to concerns over their reactions,” notes psychotherapist Stella Kimbrough, LCSW. “Consistently dodging challenging discussions in relationships can result in festering resentment or even the dissolution of those connections in the long run.”
If your ultimate aim is to sever ties completely, ghosting could convey your intentions clearly. However, if you wish to improve your relationship with your family, you may benefit from open communication instead.
Communicate Clearly and Calmly
While facing your family to assert your boundaries may be uncomfortable, saying a firm “no thank you” to attending Thanksgiving dinner could actually strengthen your relationships, according to Kimbrough.
One effective method to navigate this situation is known as the Broken Record Technique. “When someone persists after you’ve expressed your boundaries, repetition is key. Reiterate your position calmly and with confidence despite any pushback,” she advises.
For instance, if a family member tries to guilt-trip you by saying, “You never come to see us anymore,” you can respond with, “I understand you’re disappointed, but I won’t be available this year” or “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m opting out this time.” By staying steadfast in your response, you reinforce your boundaries while maintaining respect.
Kimbrough also emphasizes that if you believe an open dialogue could foster improvement, it might be worth laying down specific guidelines—like avoiding political discussions—that could clear the air and promote healthier interactions in the future. However, it is crucial to remain open to their needs as well, as it should be a reciprocal effort.
While it may not seem enjoyable to engage in these conversations now, advocating for your well-being can elevate your confidence and mitigate the guilt associated with ghosting relatives. In time, your family might learn to respect your boundaries and your need for peace.
So, go ahead and think about that getaway. A break from tension could lead to healthier relationships down the road.
